Putting the Punc in Punctuality

I used to be one tardy muthafucka.

My regular (and much derided) arrival time was always in the 'annoyingly late' zone of ten to fifteen minutes, rarely the ridiculous thirty minutes plus. It was never my fault - waiting for the damn bus, stuck in that damn traffic, held up at the damn bank. Eventually, after yet another damn conversation with my damn punctual friends, someone finally yanked off my blinders and let loose with the blinding spotlight of truth: being late to meet someone isn't about poor time planning or correctly anticipating the effect of butterflies in China on the traffic around you. It's all about respect.

When you're consistently late to meet someone, it broadcasts the message that you don't respect the time they spend waiting for you. Sometimes it's impossible to avoid being late and, yes, even puncs like me occasionally slip up. That's what cellphones, pay phones, smoke signals, and carrier pigeons are for. So, without further ado:

j's Big Life Lesson for the Day: How to Put the Punc in Punctuality

This one's real easy kids so pay attention. Bottom line: it's better to lie like a cheap rug than to be routinely late. You know that horrible sinking feeling when you know that you're going to be late because you needed - NEEDED - to play one more game of minesweeper before leaving the office and now you're waiting for that damn elevator and it just won't damn well come? Here's what you do. While you're playing the second-last-game-unless-I-get-a-highscore, pick up your phone and call your fiancé at the Church. Explain that you'll be there really, really soon, but your boss has just called an emergency meeting and you have to be there or you could lose your job. It won't be more than ten, maybe fifteen minutes at the maximum but, helpless sigh, there's nothing you can do. Tell her you love her too - I hear women like that. Then hang up the phone and get your minesweeper on guilt free! You deserve at least three more games!

Note: if any of you ever leave me standing at the altar to play another round of minesweeper, I'll be on to you like white on rice. You got that?